That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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