Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
