Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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