roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
