im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
