Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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