Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
