if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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