I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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