I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
