Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
