I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize