You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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