It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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