Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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