So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
