Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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