i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
