you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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