she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
