her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
