Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im holly from the hills drunk
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
