the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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