Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
