My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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