she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm both gender and math confused
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
