She said her name was "party"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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