I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
