Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
