normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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