It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
