i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
