I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
