i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I sprained my soul last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I die, sorry about rent.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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