clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
