This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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