her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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