well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
