So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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