moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
