Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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