So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
