Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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