Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
