we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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