next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
