He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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