my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
