I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize