is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
