I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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