hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
