My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
