we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
