I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
