Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
