How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
