so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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