I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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