I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
