I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
