i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Farmville is her only friend.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
