dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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