if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
