Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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