Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
