So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize