You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
