I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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