What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
