the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
